3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
