she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
