I can't watch pbs sober anymore
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Randomize
