I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
