Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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