No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
