Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
