My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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