this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize