So drunk, too bad you don't want this
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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