I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize