woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
