WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
