My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
We left an ass print on the piano.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
