Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
either way he was missing a nipple.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
