Your tits are I can't wait for
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
