apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Enjoy the penises
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
