mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
