Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize