So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Randomize
