Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
