This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
