Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
