Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The uberlube is also flammable
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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