operation have a gay friend backfired
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
