I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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