this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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