You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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