worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
