He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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