i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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