She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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