HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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