Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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