yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
