That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
