can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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