I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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