I wish I could punch you in the face.
honey bunches of taint.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
