Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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