My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
