My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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