things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
