Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
