I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
