she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
