Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
