Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
