no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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