He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
