I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Success! We fucked roommates!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
