i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize