no. you can't hotbox the world.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
