HIV tests are more positive than that guy
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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