"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
