how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
organizing the empties. That sober.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize