Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize