new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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