I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
But theres a keg here and me gusta
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
