Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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