let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Randomize
