I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
This house was built for laser tag.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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