dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
